From our Desks

May 1, 2013
Why do most people start counseling?
I am:
Overwhelmed by life
I want out of my marriage.
I was abused or I am being abused.
I drink, eat,or spend too much.
I don’t like myself.
See yourself here?
Well the list goes on and on…

My experience is that no matter why someone starts therapy, it generally can be understood in one simple concept, love…..or better stated the lack thereof. A close second is how to get it, how to keep it, how to feel or how to show it to yourself and to others.

For many people even the word love can be threatening. To some it’s easy to say, “I love” you but to say, “I love myself” seems somehow selfish. We try to get others to do it for us so we don’t have to do it for ourselves. I call this “other” focused. You love me
so I don’t have to love myself. When we “other” focus this way we set up dependencies and co-dependencies. Then guess what? We will either smother our partner because of our fear of losing them or run away from them when they give us the love we think we want because we feel smothered. (Read Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody for more about this exciting dance of intimacy)

Therapy is about learning to love yourself. Only then can you be in a healthy loving relationship with another.

As time goes on Eric Jr. And I will be exploring different aspects of psychotherapy. We welcome your comments.

Eric Sr.